Pressure Solution

Wikipedia defines Pressure Solution… In structural geology and diagenesis, pressure solution or pressure dissolution is a deformation mechanism that involves the dissolution of minerals at grain-to-grain contacts into an aqueous pore fluid in areas of relatively high stress and either deposition in regions of relatively low stress within the same rock…

Pressure solution… or Pressure dissolution. It’s ironic that 20 years after graduating from my utterly-unused Bachelors in Geological Sciences I’m coming back to geology terminology to describe my life, but that is where I am and it fits me.

The pressure of my complete failures to live healthier and do better with my life face me each time I look at my husband and children, and I cry worrying that I’ve disappointed my best friend Heather after losing her to colorectal cancer just three months ago. The pressure on me has increased to the point where change is only a matter of physics—either the pressure degrades my body into an unhealthy and likely to die young mess, or I choose to change the solution in which I live and find myself living a better life.

I’ve chosen to change the solution.

Not only have I found new life in meal planning, I’ve given up alcohol. I don’t know if going alcohol free is a permanent thing, it probably isn’t. But I’ve looked myself in the mirror and decided that the fastest and smartest way to find a better life just can’t include alcohol. For me this is a major part of changing the solution so that I can make healthier deposits in my lower pressure zones. By removing alcohol from the solution I’m changing the entire equation for living a better life.

One might ask—how much was alcohol playing a role in my life? Enough to make our alcohol bills obscene. I blame part of this on the relative affluence we have—we can afford wine, we can afford the higher cost whiskeys, and when we run out we just buy more. And I blame it on a social norm I’ve embraced from TV, discussions with colleagues, etc., that isn’t a smart social norm. People talk about coming home and having a glass of wine to separate from the day—but that isn’t the choice we should be making to separate from the day. I, in particular, should take a walk, do yoga, meditate, listen to music and dance, to separate myself from the work day and to prepare myself for a fun-filled evening at home with my family. Why, for so long have I chosen a glass of wine? Then… as more stress increased the pressure on me, and more funds became available to us, that glass unjustifiably became another glass… and another glass every hour over 4 or 5 hours in the evening and there goes a bottle. And depending on the evening, maybe I opened another bottle and started on that one, too.

A whole fucking bottle of wine… and more.

Just from me drinking it. No. One. Else.

Where that norm developed, and when, I don’t really remember. It was long before 2020 and the complete fucking dumpster fire of this past year. The meme’s that show stadiums full of alcoholics aren’t as funny to me as they used to be. We are threatened with a pandemic and instead of finding ways to live our lives to the fullest we revert to a state of comfortably numb inebriation that keeps us from living and makes it more likely that we will die younger.

I’m choosing to try my best to live longer, so for me that will mean alcohol must exit my life… at least for now.

As I’ve been modifying my solution for life, and since last writing my total weight loss is 11.8lbs in 24 days. This is the right solution for me… and I look forward to seeing what new, solid formation I create for my future, and the future of my family, out of changing the solution that is constantly reacting under pressure…

And I think I’m really going to like what I see.

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